dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
