halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You need Xanax blowdarts
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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