I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
