I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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