Where did you get a picture of my penis
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
