Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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