...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
