what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
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Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
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Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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