Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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