She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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