mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
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I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
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Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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