I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
