nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
