i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
