We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
