She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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