why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I love having hate sex.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
