Redeem this text for a blowjob
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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