I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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