Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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