just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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