Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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