so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
