yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Randomize
