just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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