really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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