I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
We need to rekindle our bromance
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
