But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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