If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My life is pants optional.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
