Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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