Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
