kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
