So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
