Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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