So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
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Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
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Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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