There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
