Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
