oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
