): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
