Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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