Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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