Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
