Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
3 2 1 whiskey
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
