he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
