69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
