I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
