Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
