uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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