I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
