she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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