I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
