you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
