don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
did you just send me my own nude
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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