I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
