ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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