I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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