life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
MIDGETS
????
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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