WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
