are you so shy because you have an std?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
