i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
