I'm gonna have a badass scar
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
