I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
