the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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