They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
