No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
