well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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