how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
