Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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