Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
