i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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