it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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