Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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