just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
