wakey wakey hands off snakey
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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