I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
