his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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