dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
