so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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