i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just high enough for therapy.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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