I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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